First Love Requiem

                          Here you are, standing right in front of me, unable to look me in the eyes. But I look right into yours and I see guilt, pain and many other feelings that you try to hide 'cuz you dont want to be seen as a 'sensitive guy', but you cant hide anything from me 'cuz I know who you really are. And you are the only one who knows who I REALLY AM as well. Wao, just look at us....All grown-up....So different, yet still the same. I still remember when we were those two crazy kids playing to be adults, dreaming about their future.
                          And here we are, standing in the future. But it doesnt look like the picture I had in my mind at all. Why?. 'Cuz theres a part thats missing-that part  is YOU. It all looked so easy back then and now that I see all that we have struggled to get to this point, I realize how ignorant and naive we were. We were living a fantasy; but if something was real in that 'fairytale' was the feeling we had for each other-an honest, pure, unselfish love-at least thats what I felt, up until tha day our paths went on different directions and I decided to put that feeling to rest.....so I buried it, in a very deep tomb in-God knows where-but I made a huge mistake......it was still alive. Now, it has become a ghost that haunts me every night. I have tried to ignore it, pretending that it doesnt even exist, that it was just a childish feeling-not even a feeling-a 'teenage crush'-but here you are and I cant lie to you, it didnt died. Somehow, that feeling made its way out of that dark place-it was not an illusion,it was real-ITS STILL REAL.
                            But, I can only speak for myself. You're still standing right in front of me. So I ask you if you feel the same way........with no answer whatsoever. Now, not only you dont look me in the eyes...you dont look at me at all.....and that answers my question........or maybe not, 'cuz why are you so nervous all of the sudden?
                            The reality is, maybe we havent changed as much, but our lives are completely different, you're happy with someone else, and as much as I would love to be in her shoes for just one minute; truth is, I have found someone who does deserve these tears Im crying right now for you. After all, I have many reasons to feel hate for the person who-ironicaly, almost killed me yet, saved my life. How come?......'cuz the day you left was the day my heart died, so I was determined to let this body die as well. But, one day you told me some words I would never forget. And I made him a promise, I promised that I would live and move on.........and I did.  I stay true to that promise. So, here we are, this is the way things were meant to be. Maybe its not what we dreamed of, but life its not a dream-its real. But, at least for me, reality has come at a really high cost....MY HAPPINESS.

                                                                         ~ alex.