..........Ok, now that I got some time to catch up my breath(and a lil' bit of my sanity) I can continue with this topic. Ok, first of all, maybe you have read some of the stuff I've written before-like "R.I.P.(Rest In Pain)",or "First Love Requiem"-well, those were a lil' bit over dramatic ways to show you my point. Because, ok, *deep breath* I DO STILL have feelings for him("NO, I am not going to mention 'his' name,so dont be so sneaky!".).....but, honestly, I know he doesnt feels ths same, so, I have to move on. And, I have my mind set on that goal. But, my heart-'it' always goes in the opposite direction!.- So, thats why I've used the metaphor of 'ripping and tearing my heart apart', and even more dramatic-throwing it in a grave!.
But it goes to show how angsty and depressed I get when my heart gets so stubborn!. Why it is so damn hard to leave the past where it belongs...IN THE PAST!(....duh!!...). I mean, I was just a girl, it has been a long time-years-why the f*ck he's still so close to my heart when he's actually so far?.
Sometimes, I would like to have a chat with my own heart and just explain to 'it' that he cant hold on to the past cuz its just making me unhappy!.......and also,that 'it' has been a childish a*hole for making me cry so much!....Sadly, I cant do that(nor tearing it apart cuz...well...you know why i cant its obvious so...wtv...)so, if I cant "bury it" or "burn it", or(....), I would do something a lil' less bloody or creepy....I would IGNORE IT!.
-"Hey!. I am not being mean or selfish-Im just in a desperate search for happiness!". Because right now-at least in the 'love aspect' of my life-I am not happy at all!!!!!!!. Why?. Because my heart cant let go of the past! Simple!.
The thing is, sometimes,even when our hearts tell us-"Go ahead!', "Dont give up!", "Maybe he(she)will be back"....you have to face a really tough bee-otch: REALITY!........Yeah, sadly for many of us, life's no fairytale. I am not saying that I wont be able to fall in love again(or you), but it wont be the same 'feeling'-that feeling which I can not describe because there are no words to describe it-its just "THAT ONE TRUE LOVE"........that love that changed your life forever(and mine also). But life goes on...whether 'Mr.Heart' likes it or not!!!!!!!.
(P.S.: I know, this topic deserves a third part, but honestly, it would be endless!. But lets see what happens, join me in this journey and hey, just because you're not happy in this particular time in your life, that doesnt mean you wont be happy.........your happiness its on its way(and, hopefully, mine also*fingers crossed*) God bless................)
~ alex.
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